You know, seeing patches of missing hair on my scalp doesn’t really scare me as much as it did in the very beginning. I don’t have health insurance so I can’t just go to a doctor to be referred to a dermatologist to learn that I may or may not have a form of alopecia. My mother has thinner hair now than when she did when she was my age and my dad has a full head of hair, so yes it was traumatizing at first, but now I think I’ve learned to numb the fear and move on.
Fortunately for me these patches are very hard to see unless I show you, but it still doesn’t make me feel any better. I can honestly say that I’ve only discussed the hair loss with 5 people, who include my parents, my fiancé, my best friend Eddie and my friend Janette. I feel kind of ashamed in a way discussing it with anyone else and I worry that they’ll judge me for it, but I feel so much more at peace voicing it out in my blog.
The first blog that I read, had a girl who was a ballerina and working at a stressful job which in turn had her lose her hair, she showed pictures of her hair line and I was so scared at first that I thought if I stopped reading then it wouldn’t true and that what I was going through wasn’t the same. Right now they are small patches, ¾ quarters the length of my thumb, my newest one is closer to my hair line and is the size of a dime. Unlike the ballerina, her hair loss was moving in at an awfully rapid speed, mine I suppose has been going on for some time with my notice. My mom insisted that it is all caused by stress and that my hair would grow back in six months, so I’ve used that to build my confidence that this too will subside. I look at the thumb sized patch and find a little hope at the hair follicles trying to push through. I try not to worry about it too much because there is so much more important things going on in my life.
I’m going to be marrying my best friend in 15 months and I’ve kind of dubbed myself “The Balding Bride,” I laugh at it but deep down I am absolutely terrified that it’s happening. Bryan is extremely supportive, especially with my holistic approach, I’ve been using a tea tree oil and tea tree oil scalp conditioner in hopes that a miracle will happen. But if worst comes to worst, then I can get a cool wig that’s already styled and colored the way I want and I don’t have to waste my money on styling products, shampoo, conditioners, hair cuts and colors, those are all upsides to this down spiraling story. In the meantime I will continuously apply tea tree oil unto the balding patches, massage scalp oil into my hair and let the surprisingly satisfying sting of tea tree conditioner into my scalp. What can go wrong right, I lose my hair? It’s already happening so the only thing I can do is wait for my potions to work and hope for the best.