Week 6

Week 6, March 14, 2018


I didn’t realize how much I missed pork until I finished my diet and allowed myself to start eating pork again, big mistake. My body rebelled not in the gross bowel movement kind of way, more like, I am going to ruin your skin! A couple of days after eating pork my face started to break out, I’m used to seeing a pimple on my face once a month but this was something different. I noticed more texture, I was getting bumps on my face where it’s usually smooth, plus I started having really bad skin issues. I’m cutting out pork and beef again and including it on those random days I just crave it.


I feel like I reached my plateau in my work outs, I’ve been less motivated to go but when I’m there I kick ass. I go 4 times a week which is pretty bad, I’m going to go more often and worry less about my social life. I put it off because friends want to hang out and I really need to find a balance. Also, I increased my intake of Astaxanthin and haven’t seen any differences, but I have been feeling really tired a lot lately, not sure why. I will be introducing a multi vitamin by One a Day, I know, I know. How old is this girl? I’m 28, but I saw that there was a higher percentage of biotin in their vitamins I want to use that because my hair is thinning and my nails are shit.


I have noticed a big difference in my appearance, I’m less round and my arms and legs are getting stronger. I do need to stick to a diet and workout regime because I can feel myself slipping! No slipping, I need to keep progressing!


Any who thanks for reading ❤



Week 2

Well yesterday marked two weeks into my diet and I feel a little accomplished. C’mon I’m Filipino, you know how hard it is to PASS on a plate of pork adobo?! Pork is in my blood.

Okay enough of the dramatics, I want to say if you’re really committed in changing your diet know that there are going to be so many temptations around you, you just have to keep going and find alternatives that benefit you. On Valentines day instead of going out to a lovely steak house like we normally do, Bryan took my best friend & I out for Chinese per my request. There were so many options for everyone and I’m gonna be honest that’s the fullest I’ve felt all month. Just surround yourself with people who want to help you accomplish your goals. So far it’s been a lot of poke bowls, chicken wraps and a lot of fish!

I stopped taking Fish Oil, the side effects really bothered me, the burps were intense and I smelled like fish, if you know what I mean. I read an article where the vegan alternative for fish oil would be Flax seed oil, so I will be purchasing those soon. I’ll give you an update once it’s been completely introduced into my system. With taking supplements you don’t really recognize a change for at least a few weeks. I have been noticing  clearer skin, I’ve recently changed up my cleansing routine but I want to say that Astaxanthin has really helped with that as well. It’s also been helping me maintain a really deep sleep, I feel so much better in the morning than I have before.

I haven’t been very gym oriented lately, I’ve been really busy but I definitely need to stop making excuses and just go. Right now I have to go back to square one and work back to the constant 5 days a week cycle.

Overall, I still feel like I haven’t been getting enough protein, the stress that I feel has been minimized and I’ve been feeling more and more alert. Now I have to balance out, the correct amount of food to take in and the amount of work out I do. I gotta work hard to get some results right?





Here we go…

I have been leading a really unhealthy lifestyle for the last 4 years, just recently I started working out again but in doing so I’ve made excuses to allow myself to eat whatever I wanted because technically I did work out. In the beginning of February I will be challenging myself to make a commitment to regular workouts, a mostly pescatarian diet, taking dietary supplements and getting rid of soda.


My friends and husband are nice when they say I’m perfect as I am but let’s get serious, I am probably 70 to 80 pounds overweight, all the clothes that I fit into 5 years ago definitely don’t now and I’m constantly tired and unmotivated. My wedding day I looked like a potato in a lace dress and I haven’t felt confident in my own skin since I was 23, I’m 28 now and I really need a kick in the ass. I need to be accountable to maintain this lifestyle and I will.
Since my blog is my safe space, I’ll be using it as a means of keeping myself on track. I’ll be posting a weekly blog about my new adventure and provide some photos too, so let’s start…


Week 1.


Day 6 – Okay, so it hasn’t been extremely easy, but I’m really proud of myself for not giving up and for pushing through but for the first couple days I would count down until I made it past  day 3. Why 3? I’ve heard that if you’re able to form habits and routines after three days! I tried and I made it, there were a lot of days where I felt weak, I don’t think I was eating enough on those days. I’ve been making sure I incorporate healthy snacking into my day to day and drinking plenty of water. I’ve also added dietary supplements to my regiment.


I started to take Ashwagandha, Astaxanthin, Super B Complex and Fish Oil.

– I take Super B and Fish Oil in the morning; it’s supposed to help me stay focused and helps in turning the food I’m eating into energy. I drink plenty of water with it because it has definitely made my pee look radioactive and the fish oil actually makes my burps taste like salmon

–  I take the Ashwagandha and Astaxanthin in the night usually after a work out, always on a full stomach. Astaxanthin helps in recovery after work outs and Ashwagandha reduces cortisol levels and can help with balancing my moods. I have bouts of depression and anxiety and this morning I thought I would have a little episode but it helped alleviate the pressure I was feeling. So far I think the supplements are definitely a help, I sleep like a baby and feel a bit more focused. I should start feeling or seeing more results from the supplement intake within the next week or so.


I’ve been back on my work out grind, it feels a lot different this time because I do want to maintain this momentum. I work out three days in a row then have a rest day and again 3 more days. I do cardio and a new muscle group each day. I’ve hurt myself before working out so I want to make sure I’m doing it in my pace. I usually take a pre-workout drink which gives me an energy boost! I’ve seen improvements on my strength training which is great but I’m gonna keep pushing myself.

I’m Depressed, but It’s Okay.

If you rummaged through my social media and met me, you would think that I am just a happy go lucky girl who’s positivity was all natural.


It’s not, it’s me coping with my ever looming anxiety trying to make you feel less bad for me. In my mind, so many bad things are going on, thoughts of the possibility of my fiance cheating on me, my family and friends realizing that I’m a loser who hasn’t tried to do anything with her life, or that my dogs will all of sudden stop loving me.


As a teen I was depressed, I was overweight and not as pretty as my friends, I had crushes on boys who thought I was a like a sister, I had good grades in school but not the best and I always felt a little empty inside. I was never told I was good enough and for a long time, I believed I wasn’t, even at 27 I still feel this way. There was a point in my senior year that I thought I would just kill myself, I was already into self mutilating, cutting myself and lying about it. I sat in my room and thought how easy it would be just to hang myself. So I tried, I went to into my bedroom closet, grabbed a long sleeve short and tied it around my neck, I placed the remaining part of the shirt onto the closet rod. I drifted for maybe 5 seconds when I realized that the length of time it would take for my neck to break was far longer time than I had. My dad noticed something wrong, he had seen my arms and legs and knew that I was hurting myself, he screamed at me that night; he broke my phone in his anger. I was scared, that moment scared me, but didn’t change how I felt. My best friend German told me that I was selfish for trying to commit suicide; he tried to put in perspective the amount of people who would be affected. I didn’t think of it that way, I only thought that with me gone it would be better for everyone else. It wasn’t until that moment did I realize there was something wrong with how I felt about things.


I became aware, but I never really seeked any counseling, I don’t want anyone to pass judgment on me or feel sorry for me. Depression and anxiety doesn’t happen to me, they’re a part of me, but I’ve learned to live with it. The little episodes happen and I embrace them, I write about them, talk about them even if no one is listening and I let it happen. Little things trigger my anxiety, whether it’s a big event or something small like a messy space. I am really thankful that I have the support of my fiance, he is so reassuring and lets me know that everything will be okay and even though it takes some time, I do believe him. Some times, I do want to be left alone, where I don’t sleep at night because my anxious thoughts keep me up at night. My thoughts are powerful and debilitating but I refuse to let it get the best of me.


I put a smile on my face and give myself some positive thoughts, but take it all with a grain of salt.

It’s Hard Out There for a Victim

I am really dumb founded at the outcome of these well publicized rape trails, I hate saying it but I really do believe that that there is such thing as White Male Privilege in the Justice System.


Let’s see, if these crimes were done by people who are on the tanner side of the spectrum, they would be in prison for more than 6 weeks. But no, these white, male teenagers have been privileged to know that society doesn’t want to see them fail, but to grow from their “mistakes.”


The mistake was allowing them to believe that they’re better than anyone else and that the crime that you committed wasn’t as severe. Not wanting to ruin the lives of these boys, I will never consider them to be men, is a way of justifying their actions. What do you think happens to the young women and men they’ve assaulted, what do you think happens to them mentally? Their lives are ruined, not only is what happened to them physically damaging, but it’s also emotionally, mentally and at times socially as well. How do you think these victims are supposed to react when they know their attacker is out there scot-free?
I would be horrified, worried constantly about having to watch my back.


So why, why do we allow this to continue on, will there be vigilantes that will defend us, because God knows that our Justice System if you’re a sexual assault victim. They look at you and believe that you might have taken some part in the actions. Drinking too much, wearing clothing that would provoke cat callers, stop blaming the victim and look at it on a larger scale. If you believe that alcohol is the reason why rape happens, go to a bar filled with intoxicated people, do you see people openly raping one another, NO! These actions are done because the perpetrator wanted to do them, they weren’t forced to rape their victim, they did it on their own accord.


We need a justice system that will truly seek justice in these countless cases, we need a justice system that victims aren’t afraid to run to in these cases, because from what I see, they victimize the perpetrator and shame the victim.

Pit Bull Love


This is Nala, she’s a red nose pit bull and I love her to death.


When I first started dating Bryan he was living in Point Loma with his roommates Jimmy and Rachel, they had two pit bulls, DJ (Duke Junior) and Nala. At first there I was extremely scared of these two dogs, there were incidents when DJ would just pounce on me and even growl at me. For a whole year whenever I stayed over at Bryan’s house there needed to be a baby gate put up to ensure my safety.


In the evening when it was just Bryan and I alone at the house, he would have the pit bulls in Jimmy and Rachel’s room, I could hear Nala crying asking to come out, and I looked at Bryan and asked if he could bring her out. He opened the door and she ran out so excited, I sat there patiently, and she slowly moved closer to me, giving me licks and laying by my side. From that point we were best friends, she wanted to lay in bed with us and wanted me to drape her in my scarves and jewelry. DJ started coming around too, he would wait outside of the baby gate and hear us give praises and love to Nala, he wanted in on the action too.


At this time, Jimmy’s mom Susie moved into the room across the way from Bryans and she too had a huge dog named Buddy, Buddy wasn’t the brightest but he was the biggest dog I had ever seen. Just as DJ started coming around Buddy attacked DJ which caused him to lose so much blood. He laid in Jimmy’s room doped up on so many pain killers and I came in to give him so affection. I lay my hand across his aching body and told him that he would be just fine and that we were there to protect him. Something changed in DJ right after the incident and began to be gentle towards me; he would give me so many kisses as I walked in and jumped on me to give me pit bull hugs. He and Nala would come into our room and wake us up in the morning and lay in our queen size bed. They were over protective of me, even when Bryan would scream at the TV, DJ would jump on top of me and bark at Bryan to stop.


When we all had to move out, it was so hard not seeing their faces every day, but eventually they would be able to stay over a couple of times.


Then days turned into months, and months turned into years and then Bryan got news from Jimmy saying Nala was sick. She had a bad infection in Point Loma, but they were able to fix her right up, this was a different scenario, there was something more serious going on.


It was cancer.


Cancer is the scariest, most bone trembling word anyone can every hear, at this day and age I feel as if everyone’s been effected by Cancer one way or another. Nala’s vets tell us that she’s not going to live for much longer and that broke my hair. There’s a tumor in her nose and it has slowly started spreading to her eyes, after not seeing her for a little over two years, I finally got to see Nala and DJ. I was afraid that they wouldn’t recognize me and it broke my heart. I entered Jimmy and Rachel’s new house and they instantly ran towards me with so much happiness. There was so much kisses and tears from everyone, I hugged Nala and instantly we were both in tears, yes she and I both. She gave me a kiss and held her so tight, I told her I loved her and she cried, she smiled when I wrapped her very own scarf around her neck. She looked just like the same old Nala, it was only when I looked for it did I see her tumor, it was large and made her look like a Bull Terrier, all I cared about at that point was to make her happy. It was so bittersweet, it had taken so long for me to see them and here I finally was. DJ at points of his excitement would come to the couch, jump up to me as if to hug be and gave me the biggest kisses I had ever received from him.


When we were setting out to go back home, Nala refused to give me a kiss goodbye, I had to beg her, she sat there crying not wanting us to go. I cried for a while, especially because I did not want either one of them to think that I had loved them any less and for the possibility that they might have felt abandoned by Bryan and I. I hope that this isn’t the last time I see Nala alive and happy, I hope that the tumor magically goes away and she is healthy again.


Love your pets, you are their entire worlds.


Free the People

Free People did the craziest thing I have ever seen them do last Friday and everyone went absolutely crazy.


No they weren’t giving away free puppies, I wish, they were giving an additional 50% off discount on their sale items, which included tons of shoes, clothes, hair accessories, handbags, all that good good!


Of course I wasn’t going to miss out on this opportunity, I made it a point to only shop online because the stores would definitely be a hot mess with long lines out the door, trust me I shopped that random 10 for $35 Victoria’s Secret Panty Sale and I waited in line for over an hour!


No, no, no, no, no!


My first order, yes first, included a cross body bag and a blouse, I placed the order with some minor issues but we won’t talk about that. After another hour passes by I look at the site again and find even more goodies, which created my last order, did I mention that they were also providing FREE SHIPPING, it was like the Free People Goddesses were smiling down on me shouting, “Shop, shop some more!” I had to restrain my use of my credit card, which was for the good. $65 for a two blouses, a dress and a cross body bag, I wish I would have bought more, I really do, that my friends is my only regret!


My first order, which was partial, arrived Monday, my second order arrived Tuesday and my last item which was from my first order arrived today, Wednesday 27th! I looked again at their sale portion of their site and it went from 64 pages of just tops to 17 pages, that was so crazy.


Here’s my order…



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Coastal Scents Order Review

I am going to do you guys a solid and trust me when I say that the images on Coastal Scents is so misleading that you’ll say to yourself, “What the hell did I just order.”


I’ll provide photos from my order confirmation and a photo of the delivered goods and you can make form your own decision.


So, I had originally received a $5 off discount for my online purchase and I was excited to know that it was only $1.95 per piece, $10 a piece at MAC or $12 a piece at Anastasia, so I searched through the each page searching for the perfect hue of rose gold, I was ecstatic when I actually found some good candidates and I quickly placed them in my cart. Upon checkout though, the site prompted a 20% off code which didn’t make sense because I was only purchasing $16 worth of shadows, well the system deleted my $5 off code and replaced it with the 20% discount instead, I couldn’t undo their error, so I had to stick with the discount I didn’t want.


Other than that annoyance, they did arrive in a timely manner so that I will praise them on, but when I opened my package I felt a sense of confusion, the photos in my order confirmation were completely different from my actual order! What the F!? I mean the pinkish gold tones I had seen online were completely muted and brown even?! Ugly! Nothing like what I had ordered.


When I emailed their customer service they directed me to a link showing a disclaimer, that the images on their website may differ considering the resolution of your screens. What? Are you kidding, that’s some bullshit excuse to say they are misleading their clients to purchasing their merchandise? This disclaimer is not on the order form, not throughout checkout, and not under the description of the product itself. They state that you have to look through the companies’ policies and search for that particular disclaimer. It’s there but it’s not visible unless you search for it. Don’t bother to purchase their product, you get what you pay for, trust me on this.

The Balding Bride

You know, seeing patches of missing hair on my scalp doesn’t really scare me as much as it did in the very beginning. I don’t have health insurance so I can’t just go to a doctor to be referred to a dermatologist to learn that I may or may not have a form of alopecia. My mother has thinner hair now than when she did when she was my age and my dad has a full head of hair, so yes it was traumatizing at first, but now I think I’ve learned to numb the fear and move on.


Fortunately for me these patches are very hard to see unless I show you, but it still doesn’t make me feel any better. I can honestly say that I’ve only discussed the hair loss with 5 people, who include my parents, my fiancé, my best friend Eddie and my friend Janette. I feel kind of ashamed in a way discussing it with anyone else and I worry that they’ll judge me for it, but I feel so much more at peace voicing it out in my blog.


The first blog that I read, had a girl who was a ballerina and working at a stressful job which in turn had her lose her hair, she showed pictures of her hair line and I was so scared at first that I thought if I stopped reading then it wouldn’t true and that what I was going through wasn’t the same. Right now they are small patches, ¾ quarters the length of my thumb, my newest one is closer to my hair line and is the size of a dime. Unlike the ballerina, her hair loss was moving in at an awfully rapid speed, mine I suppose has been going on for some time with my notice. My mom insisted that it is all caused by stress and that my hair would grow back in six months, so I’ve used that to build my confidence that this too will subside. I look at the thumb sized patch and find a little hope at the hair follicles trying to push through. I try not to worry about it too much because there is so much more important things going on in my life.


I’m going to be marrying my best friend in 15 months and I’ve kind of dubbed myself “The Balding Bride,” I laugh at it but deep down I am absolutely terrified that it’s happening. Bryan is extremely supportive, especially with my holistic approach, I’ve been using a tea tree oil and tea tree oil scalp conditioner in hopes that a miracle will happen. But if worst comes to worst, then I can get a cool wig that’s already styled and colored the way I want and I don’t have to waste my money on styling products, shampoo, conditioners, hair cuts and colors, those are all upsides to this down spiraling story. In the meantime I will continuously apply tea tree oil unto the balding patches, massage scalp oil into my hair and let the surprisingly satisfying sting of tea tree conditioner into my scalp. What can go wrong right, I lose my hair? It’s already happening so the only thing I can do is wait for my potions to work and hope for the best.

The Journey…

If you’re reading this and you find yourself wanting to grow up faster, I want to tell you to wait and enjoy the journey, you’ll get to your destination eventually but if you don’t get lost along the way it won’t be worth it.


When I was younger I would write myself letters hoping that the older me was prettier, smarter, more successful with a closet that would make any girl jealous, I hoped that I was in love and wished such good things for myself, even asking that if I had a Chanel bag yet. I would never get to answer myself but if I did this is what I would say…


“Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and on the days that we feel the ugliest there is a handsome man telling us the opposite, he is the knight in shinning armor that we have been waiting for, and damn was the wait worth it. I love him and he loves me, but before meeting him there was a lot of heart break but we never let those bring us down. We dusted ourselves off even when it felt like things couldn’t get better and we remained strong. Understand that loving someone so much only allows us to be vulnerable to unimaginable pain and loss when the love is gone, so know that with pain there will be healing and what doesn’t kill does make you stronger.


We have always been smart, though our decisions may not have always been the brightest; it has molded us to who we are today. I wish that I was a successful publicist, or designer or business woman we both wanted so badly to be, but working in the industry it was really easy to lose our soul and our minds. Right now we work in a little office in Old Town working for people who actually care about our well being and want us to succeed, one day when I truly know what I want with my life I will make another journey to make sure that I am successful in the way I want to be.


Our Prince Charming basically built us the Walk in Closet, from the fixtures to the shelves; he did that all, we did help but he took our vision and went with it. We have really nice things, beautiful clothes, handbags and shoes, everything you had wanted as a little girl but as we have gotten older the material things start to under weigh what is really important in life and that my dear is time. Time to spend with our family and friends, time to understand who we are becoming, time is the most critical thing and often forgotten. I am so thankful that my journey thus far has brought so much into my life, great friends, a better relationship with my parents, two baby bears provide unconditional love and a wonderful fiancé who has stood by my side through the good and bad.


Understand that we are lucky because we did not live a world of fear but embraced all the changes and has never let it consume us.”


Wanting to grow up isn’t bad, but don’t forget to take a moment and just enjoy it all.