A Letter to My Sister

Dear Kathyrine,

 

Hello, it’s been such a long time since we’ve talked last and there are so many things I just want to say to you. First, I want to say how sorry I am to have missed so many important things in your life, like your high school graduation, your very first boyfriend, your college graduation and most importantly, I’ve missed you. I still don’t understand what had happened to our friendship, our sisterhood, everything, but I hope that we can put that in the past because you are so important to me.

 

Mommy and Daddy have said time and time again that it will take some time for you to come around, I have tried to be so patient, but I miss my little sister, I miss you so much and it is so sad because I know nothing about you now. I never want to wish this kind of pain and hurt on anyone, because through these years it’s felt like I’ve lost some part of me and it was because you have been missing from my life.

 

I am so proud of the woman you’ve become and what you’ve accomplished, the first in our Family to graduate from college, that is such a great honor and I am proud of you. Thank you for taking the place of being the big sister to Kristine and Kisha, because they have been able to look up to someone with so much ambition and drive, something that I lack, I look up to you. My genius little sister who didn’t give a shit about the opinions of others, I wanted so bad to be like you, strong willed and smart. I looked up to you and gloat about you and your accomplishments to my friends, to Bryan and anyone who’d listen.

 

I’m getting married next year, to Bryan and man does he make me so happy. He’s really ambitious and strong willed like you, mommy and daddy really like him, KC too and maybe even Kisha. Bryan is really great, and when he says hi to you he’s not trying to be an ass, he’s honestly trying to break this tension that has been built up for so many years. It’s so funny, when Kisha was sick and we had to pick she and mommy from the Naval Hospital, all Kisha wanted to do was go back home, but mommy forgot her keys. Bryan climbed up the wall and got in through a window to let mommy and Kisha back into the house. Kisha thanked him and he was so happy because he thought that his efforts were finally making some progress. That’s what I want, a little progress, nothing too crazy, not just yet at least, but it would make me so happy to have you attend our wedding. Obviously it would break my heart to not have you come but in the long run I think I would understand.

 

I love you very much and I wish that things weren’t like this; I wish you and I had the same relationship we had back when we were young girls. Now we’re both women trying to find our place in this world, but I would out of everything love if we could make amends, I want to make this effort because life can be hard especially without my sister.

 

I love you, thank you for taking the time to read my letter. I hope it finds you well and I hope that there is still a place in your heart for me.

 

Love Always,

 

Karyn

Hair Distress

I am not so sure if I should be concerned about this but a couple of months ago, my fiancé noticed that I had a little bald spot on my head, I laughed it off because I have had long and luscious hair ever since I can remember.

 

Today as I was getting ready for work, I was in the bathroom doing my makeup and I noticed that I had a very strange soft, hairless oblong spot on my scalp. I felt a sense of fear rush through my body, my hair was my crowning glory and now, I am fear that the one thing that made me feel beautiful would suddenly be taken away from me.

 

I’m touching my hair more often now, it’s only been one day, I know that my mom has really fine hair so I am hoping that this is just one little spot and it will start to grow back soon. I hadn’t noticed it before so I am hoping that I can just wait it out, eat healthier, stress less and work out more. I’m afraid, because my hair is the only thing that makes me feel beautiful.

Coachella Coachella

I had major Coachella FOMO over the weekend, yeah the musical line ups were so good, but all I wanted to do was partake in the Fashion Venture that is Coachella.

Thanks to Snapchat and all of the other social media apps out there I was so excited to see all the the outfits everyone was wearing. Some outfits were classic music festival style, cut off denim shorts, body suit and flowy kimono! I am all for the whole festival vibe, but there were some really really good fashionistas I need to copy right away! See my favorite outfits from Coachella’s First Weekend!

Ashley Benson in Lover and Friends Star Print Dress $180.00

Emma Roberts in N by Nicholas Denim Button Up Dress $435.00

Dear Cait,

The rights of the Lesbians Gays Bi-Sexual Trans Questioning (LGBTQ) community hits extremely close to home.

 

My brother is a transgender man and my best friend is a homosexual man.

 

I believe that we are all entitled to have equal rights, regardless of your sexual preference, and or gender.

 

Nonetheless, I have slowly started to lose faith in Caitlyn Jenner. I would think as a Trans Woman she would want to be an advocate for the rights of the LGBTQ community but for her to endorse an extremist like Ted Cruz is just so baffling.

 

Does she not understand the kind of message she’s giving by supporting the ideals of a man who wants to imprison or kill those of the LGBTQ community? Ted Cruz’s extremist message only shows hate so why does Jenner want to be his “trans ambassador?”

 

He hates what you stand for Cait? He wants to set this community back, revert the right to get married to just the heterosexual couples, he’s does not want to progress for the LGBTQ community, he doesn’t even believe you(transgender citizens) exist. There is a major backlash in the LGBTQ community in the regards to Cait, she’s just glamorizing it all, and it’s not all about the dresses, skirts or makeup. Each person in this community has had to face such extreme difficulty.

 

Gender reassignment surgery is expensive and luckily for you, you were able to under go it all in swift time frame. My brother on the other hand had top surgery two years ago and it was one of the most liberating things he’s undergone, this May, after saving a lot of money, he will finally has his gender reassignment surgery. This is what we should be capturing, not your ideals of the struggle it is to be a woman.

 

In Caitlyn Jenner’s interview with Buzzfeed she stated,

 

“The hardest thing about being a woman is figuring out what to wear,” um no that is not the hardest part of being a woman.

 

What about the tampon tax, having to pay taxes on purchasing feminine hygiene products, or not being paid the same as our male counterparts, or even so not being represented in our own government?

 

But I digress.

 

The importance of equal rights means so much to everyone in this nation and for Jenner to show support for someone who wants to take away the rights of her fellow LGBTQ is just shameful. Open your eyes Jenner, support someone who wants progression not some righteous fascist who hates this community.

It’s Okay To Be A Feminist

Feminist – Advocating social, political, legal and economic rights for women equal to those of men.

 

A woman in this day and age will be mocked and judged for stating that she is a Feminist. Feminists over the years have received such a bad reputation often being called man hating lesbians who think they’re better then men.

 

I feel like I can openly define myself as a feminist, not a very good one, but at least I can say that I’m comfortable being one. I believe that we as women should be deemed equal to our male counterparts; we should have equal pay for the same type of work and not be viewed weaker because we’re women.

 

It was kind of eye opening when discussing this with my fiancé, I’ve never pegged him to be the type to bleatingly disapprove of me being Feminist. On our drive home from picking me up we had a half heated argument, he blurting out the misconceptions of what it means to be a feminist.

 

No am I not a man hater, no that does not mean I’m a new found lesbian, no that does not mean I will dress like a man.

 

It pissed me off to see him have these views, he made it seem as if wanting to be equal to him was to be undesirable.

 

Just recently I started reading essays on Feminism and one that really caught my attention was “Bad Feminist,” by Roxy Gay. From what I took, there is still a lot of stigma with being addressed as a Feminist. Gay wrote about that the many women who have accomplished so much don’t want to be associate with the term Feminist because they believe Feminist have radical views. It irked me, it really irked me to see that women of their position and stature not define themselves as Feminists, in fear that they will no longer be desired and liked.

 

I then read the speech made by Emma Watson, a woman in the public eye. Her speech was so refreshing, so honest and resonates so much into our modern day.

 

She started “HeForShe,” a movement for Gender Equality.

 

The movement invites men to lobby with women so that together we can have equality. It’s hard to describe why I feel this matters, I just know deep in my heart and soul that it does. I know that we as people should not be treated differently because of our sex. I believe that it should be okay to break free from the Gender Norms placed upon us at birth, to accept strong and independent women without calling her a butch or calling a man who is sensitive and emotional a fag.

 

Watson states,

“We don’t often talk about men being imprisoned by gender stereotypes, but I can see that they are, and that when they are free, things will change for women as a natural consequence. If men don’t have to be aggressive in order to be accepted, women won’t feel compelled to be submissive. If men don’t have control, women won’t have to be controlled.

 

Both men and women should feel free to be sensitive. Both men and women should feel free to be strong. It is time that we all perceive gender on a spectrum, instead of two sets of opposing ideals. If we stop defining each other by what we are not, and start defining ourselves as who we are, we can all be freer, and this is what HeForShe is about. It’s about freedom.”

 

Feminists want equality, not to be treated better or differently, but the same. Let’s give back a positive outlook for the future feminists of our time. Don’t let the misconstrued definitions of feminism deter you from your basic right to be treated as an equal.

 

Real Reasons Why We’re Late…

  1. I didn’t really want to come but other plans fell through.
  2. My dog was just too cute to leave.
  3. I couldn’t choose which lipstick color to wear.
  4. Snapchat had a fun new filter that I had to try a couple hundred times.
  5. I decided to eat a snack before heading out to dinner.
  6. I wanted you guys to miss me so much that when I arrived it would be an ARRIVAL.
  7. I was singing too loud in the car and I didn’t hear Siri’s directions and got lost.
  8. My selfie game was way too strong and I had to document my awesomeness.
  9. The idea of leaving my comfy house in my comfy pjs almost had me stay home.
  10. I started watching Gilmore Girls and didn’t realize how fast time flew.

MAC ATTACK

*Note this is not my image

If I was forced to wear one eye shadow for the rest of my life I would choose, MAC’s Electric Cool Eye Shadow in Coil.

 

It’s so magical in all of its goodness, first it’s a cream base and then when it touches skin it turns into powder. You don’t have to use a primer for it because it just glides on really well but I do just to increase pigmentation. It’s really fool proof, there isn’t really a need for a brush your fingers will actually do the job just as well.

 

It goes on really smoothly and feels so light weight, like you aren’t wearing any make up at all. The color goes on like a golden amber or a coil! It’s perfect on its own because it has that extra sparkle and sheen but if you want to add some more depth, I usually pair it with Mac Eye Shadow in Brown Script. To add a smokier effect when using Brown Script and Coil, I apply Brown Script on a regular eye shadow brush then mist it with MAC Prep + Prime Fix Finishing Spray. Adding a little bit of your favorite makeup setting spray can actually enhance the color of your shadows! Don’t forget to blend, it’s a really crucial step when doing a smoky eye, you want it to look effortless and cohesive not static and separated.

What’s your favorite eye shadow?!

 

Shoe Love is True Love

It’s almost been a year since I stopped working retail and it’s definitely taken a damper on my shopping ventures. Just recently I went to Target and walked through their shoe aisle and fell in love with almost everything I saw. I was so used to paying designer prices for designer shoes that I always looked down on any non-name brand anything. I believed the hype and thought I was too good for everything.

 

NOT ANYMORE!

 

In a span of a weekend I had purchased 3 pairs of shoes that wouldn’t even total half the cost of a pair of Vince shoes! I was so proud to show them off, it was just a great feeling. Two of the shoes a pretty much twins of some designer pieces I saw at Nordstrom and the other was DV for Target! I had to tell everyone my exciting news, it’s okay to splurge once in a while on really nice expensive shoes but just remember you’re paying for the brand.

Women's Kady Ballet Flats - COGNAC

Target – Mossimo Kady Ballet Flats $24.99

Women's dv Kaya Thong Sandals - Tan

DV for Target – Kya Thong Sandal $22.99

Women's Caitlin Quarter Strap Sandals - BLACK

Target – Mossimo Caitlin Quarter Strap Sandals $34.99

J’adore Dior

 

I absolutely love makeup and this past Saturday my girlfriend Faye took me along her search for the perfect foundation.

 

We made our way through the cosmetics department at Nordstrom, other then the perfect foundation; Faye was also on the hunt for the Stila Matte Lip-gloss she had seen online. It was no where to be found but the search led us to the Dior counter, there we saw the new makeup on display. Bernadette the Dior associate asked if we needed assistance. Faye began to ask her about the new foundation displayed on the counter, it was the new Dior Forever liquid foundation, Bernadette proceeded to ask Faye if she wanted to sample it, Faye politely declined stating that she already had makeup on.

 

They both looked at my bare face, under pressure I decided to take one for the team. There are so many horrendous stories of makeup counter girls just doing makeup on customers and just scarring them for life, I thought that I would fall prey to that mess. I had stated before that I had always wanted to try the Diorskin Air Flash, it looked so cool being in an aerosol container, I needed to see what the hype was all about. It was like airbrushing in a can, it didn’t dry out my skin nor did it feel oily, it was the perfect consistency. Bernadette suggested to apply the foundation on a brush stating if you spray on your face directly you waste more products, made sense to me, I don’t want to cry over spilled makeup. Any who, Faye was impressed, then Bernadette decides to apply more makeup on me, doing my brows, which I loved by the way! I thought she was finished, moments later she is whipping her magic wand across my face and boom I have a smoky eye, bronzer and blush, all of which I loved, the only thing I didn’t like was her pairing of a pink lipstick, it totally threw everything off of balance.

My face was caked, thankfully I had somewhere to go and people to see.

Product ImageProduct ImageProduct Image

 

Our Engagement Story

Bryan and I have been engaged since June 10, 2014.

 

 

 

I can remember every single detail of the day and the days leading up to our engagement. We set off to Catalina for our annual mini vacation; we fell in love with the island the year before spending three beautiful days basking in the sun while enjoying some much needed time together.

 

This time around didn’t feel any different, I can usually sense a surprise looming but what was to happen next completely threw me off guard. A couple days before our trip, my friend Hannah kept insisting that I would come back an engaged woman, I brushed it off because I didn’t believe that it would happen and I had warned Bryan that he had to ask my dad for my hand in marriage.

 

June 9, 2014, we arrived at Redondo Beach to drop off Kodiak, our Pomeranian fur baby, to stay with his grandpa for a couple of days. We were a little early from when our boat was to depart so Bryan’s dad took us out for some lunch, my vacation started as soon as I sipped my first drops of whiskey. We were so excited we definitely needed this vacation and we were so excited for it to start. As soon as we got onto the Catalina Express we sat on the top deck and Bryan proceeded to order some champagne, we arrived to the island a little tipsy but just so excited to start our vacation!

 

We stayed at the Hotel Catalina the year before and loved it, Bryan was smart to book the same hotel and room! All we wanted to do was sleep but we knew that there was a ton of things we had to do. We put on our bathing suits and rushed to the beach, I brought a floatie to lounge about while everyone else swam around me. It was a perfect afternoon, I watched Bryan leap off of the floating dock and canon ball into the ocean making all the nearby kids laugh at his silliness. I thought to myself I am going to marry this man one day.

 

The next morning was a bit gloomier then it had been in a while, we woke up to have breakfast at our favorite place, Original Jack’s Country Kitchen, we walked through the city back to our hotel room after filling our bellies. Bryan proceeded to walk to the beachside on his own, I stood there watching him from a distance as I saw him looking out into the ocean and thinking. I prompted him to come back to me and we proceeded to make our way back to our hotel room to prepare for another day of swimming and fun. Again we were exhausted from our beach adventures, Bryan insisted that I get ready because he was going to rent a golf cart to drive around the rest of the island. Last time we were here we didn’t have enough time to explore so I became excited and quickened my pace in applying my makeup. We were going to dinner right after so I dressed pretty casual, in a mini skirt, heels and an oversized cardigan. I should have known Bryan had something up his sleeve, he was wearing khaki pants and a short sleeve button up, I remember asking him why he was dressed like that and he stated that he wanted to look like a local.

 

Within 15 minutes Bryan was back with our golf cart, I hadn’t realized how scary it was to be inside one, there were no doors or anything else besides a flimsy seat belt to keep you in. I put a brave face on as we made our way through the town, making a stop at lovers point and awing at the wonderment of the island once again. I saw in the distance that we were approaching a mountain and I panicked, I began to cry begging Bryan to take us down. It felt so steep on the way up and I couldn’t help but fear for our lives. To take my mind off of it all Bryan asked me to play some music and take pictures at our scenery. I obliged as best as I could, putting my phone in the air hoping to take some good pictures while holding onto him. We reached a point of the mountain where you could see all of Avalon, I was in awe at its beauty but refused to get out of the cart because fear had overcome me.  Bryan asked if I trusted him and I said yes of course, we made our way down the mountain side and I started to regain my composure. We stop at a dirt hill in front of 3 teenage boys, I wasn’t sure what was going to happen next, I honestly believed that Bryan was going to buy weed off of them. I paid no attention to the boys until I heard one scream, “Oh my god, look at what he’s doing,” I thought, “wait what is he doing,” I look down and I see Bryan on bended knee, I say out loud, “What is that,” he stops me and asks me to marry him. I black out just a bit just shocked at what was happening, I cried again only this time tears of joy, how he pulled this all off without me knowing was still as shock to me, asking my dad for permission was the best part of it all. I love this man and I cannot wait until we are officially married, forever and ever.